What if domination was not just a philosophy of life, but a full-time profession?
We talk about this with Alessandro - reached by telephone in his playroom as well as the period villa in which he lives - a dispenser of advice and a BDSM Master of long standing despite his young age. With him we unravel a role to show a human, empathetic identity, strongly marked by mutual pleasure. Above all, we tear off together another veil to disfigure that unbearable face that still circulates in the new millennium: hypocrisy.
The covid seems to have loosened the mental restraints of some, just look at the boom in sales of sex-toys, as well as a marked interest in so-called taboo subjects, much vaunted for what they give off but for all intents and purposes still caged in the treasure chest of hidden desires. What is your point of view?
The current situation has certainly favoured the demolition of what might have been their mental and physical barriers. Many people have taken the leap and jumped over the barbed wire of uncertainties by indulging in the sexwork-online. Whether due to the historical period or for many other reasons, the sale of intimate shots and videos has become the think-best-thing of the moment. If before the economic situation guaranteed you a certain stability, today it seems normal to show off or perform in exchange for a bonus on your account. The girl/woman whom yesterday many would have gladly asked, for a fee, to show her feet, in fact refusing, is today more inclined to fulfil this desire of others by riding an intimate whim hitherto concealed. Many girls/women have thrown themselves headlong into this easy and immediate business.
Don't you think it's more a gesture of desperation to be ascribed to the historical moment, mortifying everything that revolves around fetish and naked exhibitionism in terms of “belief”?
Most of these people exploit fetishes and exhibitions purely and exclusively for economic reasons: they really need the money and feel somehow “apologised to themselves” and to others for what they do. So they basically take advantage of the moment to give themselves to others and to themselves in a new, often totally unprecedented guise. What can we deduce from this? Many of them will discover unconscious sides of themselves thanks to these active excuses. I am also convinced that they will benefit in terms of open-mindedness and predisposition to discover sexual variants. This phenomenon automatically leads to a greater awareness and knowledge of one's own body, fuels social relationships (which can spill over into the real) between people who would most likely never have crossed paths before. I bring you the example of the girl who used to work as a shop assistant and who today exploits the cam pay-per-viewShe is a beautiful, pleasant girl, her best friends get to know about it, and the mechanism that is generated makes it possible to tackle once forbidden topics as easily as chatting at the bar. Barriers are broken down, security and awareness increase, and one begins to dig for new information and emotions.
What is the most active target group in your opinion?
Quite apart from the fact that many people in time tend to disown their exhibitionist past out of sheer social shame, I tend to refer to the new generations from the age of eighteen onwards. Often they do not even know how to speak Italian properly, yet they are already familiar with certain experiences that once upon a time we would only have had after the age of 25 or 30. So more knowledge, more familiarity, and in time more awareness (it is always the same as before). The web enables even 40- and 50-year-olds to be active reference points. But the older one gets, the more the experiential parameters change. It is obvious that a mature person has already experienced another phase of history, but this does not detract from the fact that the phenomenon of the new generation can only materialise in the long run. This is what I obviously hope for, given my social position.
How to transfer the whim, dream or desire from the fantasy to the physical plane (outside of nightclub attendance)?
There are communities (forums, chats) with people scattered throughout Italy. With full respect for others in terms of privacy and interest in sharing a particular passion, people meet for a convivial aperitif and take the opportunity to get to know each other and start dating on other occasions as well (the term “munch” refers to an informal meeting between people who practice or are interested in BDSM and other fetish and kink practices; the main purpose is to socialise and exchange experiences in the environment, and also to help those approaching BDSM to get to know other people and be better informed, nda).
But how many people actually attend these meetings?
We are still talking about a small number of people who have the courage and also the will to show themselves for what they are without fear. Those who expose themselves are always in a clear minority compared to those who are really interested. Prejudices and taboos are still very strong in our society and I realise that it is not at all easy to overcome these barriers. My first experience, although I was mentally prepared, was not easy because it still takes a good dose of boldness and courage to get together with strangers to talk about certain issues, even very intimate ones. And I am a guy, so let alone a girl/woman on the first step. Besides, you have to start somewhere and when you realise that you are talking to other normal people like yourself, you are halfway there. If a person never confronts others in a direct and real way, he will never gain self-confidence. Experience is crucial, both in terms of physical contact and in terms of perseverance in dealing with certain topics and making them your own to consolidate them in your life. The theoretical side must meet the practical side sooner or later.
Your personal website is a recommended receptacle for all those who want to touch the world of BDSM.
I present myself in a completely open and transparent manner, even putting my name and surname on display. Everything I do is on my website. Photos, explanations of all practices and so on. Clearly the person who comes to my link for the first time already knows what they can expect or at least has already got an idea (don't just happen upon it). I know every practice in my field because this is my life. And to the question “What do you do for a living?”, of course the answer can only embarrass or intrigue my interlocutor to no end.
They often ask me unusual questions, but I have no problem answering them all, honestly I even enjoy it a bit. In Italy there are very few people who practice at a medium-high level and with this predisposition. To be honest, I think I am the only one who has made it a full-time profession. Most Masters work as escorts and I can't consider them competitors.
How are you born and/or become a Master?
My interest started in pre-adolescence. I joined the first forum around the age of fourteen, reading and delving into different topics. Little by little I started to make concepts and topics my own. Knowing and understanding was the first step, then gradually I put together the puzzle of my awareness with the necessary caution. I started from getting a general idea to going into detail: domination, submission. I needed a good smattering and above all I needed to grasp the various nuances of BDSM.
My experiential journey began with the submission. On the other hand, I couldn't put myself in the position of wanting to overdo it at the risk of intimidating my partner into making rash decisions. So I started out as a freshman and had my fair share of experiences from the age of 18-19, including Decadence (party now known throughout Europe: goth, fetish, meeting point, electro music, art exhibitions, couples’ room, play area and much more, usually celebrated at the Red Club in Bologna with concerts, DJ sets, burlesque and fachirism shows, body art, body modification and fetish performances, bondage and video installations, nda). I had to figure out what I liked and what I didn't like, whether I liked being submissive or not. I wrote an article about how it is crucial to go through this transition in order to understand and define oneself in detail.
I am a person who likes everything, I like sex and I like S&M, like kink (in human sexuality, the term “kink” describes a range of unconventional sexual practices, which often have affinities with BDSM, used as a means of enhancing intimacy within a relationship, nda) and basically there is nothing to stop me doing that. I consider it essential to do things with the right person, at the right time and in the right situation. Empathy is the primary element in my relationships with my partner, I have to somehow manage to feel in the other person's shoes and build a very strong mental-emotional bridge.
A philosophy of the real, the empathy of the real... So there is no “fiction” transposition from your script, you don't impose an acting on your partner, you dig deep in order to bring out the pure authenticity always and in any case?
It is essential to know what he wants and to know what his limits are. And what he likes or dislikes, starting with fantasies. Because obviously the more you can know about the person, the better you will be able to handle the situation. Knowledge, as always, leads to understanding and facilitates the attainment of maximum pleasure. Clearly it is up to me to figure out how to technically process the request, so if I want to imagine having to write a script, the partner writes the script with my supervision. The direction and editing is up to me. My will is moulded by the will of others, I never impose something the other person does not expect, I would be failing in my desire for mutual pleasure. So unless it's a punishment designed by both of us, the approach is always a two-way street. I like to teach, propose and instruct the partner, but nothing happens by pure chance or by my own invective and/or whim.
Is a consenting private contract a valid form of protection?
It is very common and is often done. It consists of a writing between the parties in which promises are made almost like a marriage contract. But that is not my case, or at least it is not so common. Writing at the end of the day is made to be disregarded because then, often times, shared dynamics come into play that change the cards on the table. So I prefer to talk more about mental-agreement. Then, of course, it depends from person to person. But there cannot be in broad terms a right for all and a wrong for all, if anything a right for that person and a right for that other.
In the dedicated forums there is often discussion about how one should do one thing rather than another, but in general what matters is to enjoy. It's not like going on the motorway, having three lanes, and tending to drive in a manner appropriate to the position you occupy. Nor is it like mashing the accelerator to make the car go or braking to slow down and stop. It cannot all be mechanical and pre-established, absolute perfection is that which leads us to fully enjoy the moment, whether it may have been thought out exactly as you do it or vice versa it may be the result of improvisation. One must always start from the assumption that the will is to start together and arrive at the end together, consensually.
Satisfiction has always thirsted and hungered for knowledge, which texts and films would you recommend?
It all depends on the purpose with which one wants to approach the subject. There are descriptive books and others novelised. I recommend BDSM, by Ayzad, very clear on the various practices and dynamics of domination,. Obviously this is a viewpoint on a reality that each of us may perceive in one way rather than another. Another text is Guide to kink, by Tristan Taormino, ideal for gaining in-depth knowledge of techniques, philosophies and experiences from the kinky-world, with various nuances from the practical to the psychological. My favourite film is Secretary, by Steven Shainberg, starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal, the ideal transposition of what can be understood as a verisimilar BDSM relationship without inhibitions, a kind of romantic story from falling in love to the identification of a common all-encompassing desire. As a web platform, however, I recommend The Training Of O, quality videos to draw from.
Samuel Chamey